Benefits In Getting Lost: Confronting Unhelpful Narratives and Empowering Growth in Teens
- Toni Ratzburg
- May 1
- 5 min read
Updated: May 4
Will Winham-Gee, Registered Associate Clinical Social Worker #133857
Supervised by, Wren St. Gray, CA LMFT #132834
May 1, 2026
Before I became a therapist, focused on helping young men navigate their emotional landscape, I was a youngish man myself, starting a summer job, hiking- and climbing-guiding in Rocky Mountain National Park. On the first day of orientation, the veteran guides gave us fresh hires the following advice, a type of Zen koan which, even now, delightfully rankles my brain: “A guide is never lost.”
Many young men in my position would likely have interpreted that as I did at the time, which is to say, literally. Many are under the same pressures I was–the pressure to perform, to be tough, to achieve, endure, and prevail over life’s many challenges–and many have the same feelings–the stuckness, insecurity, and the fear of simply not measuring up. In that context, how could I not interpret that phrase literally? Never. Get. Lost. Got it.
Confronting Unhelpful Narratives and Empowering Growth in Teens
As I got in the swing of things, I saw more, but not all, of what the old guides meant and why they were smiling when they said it. It’s a tongue-in-cheek way of saying don’t freak your clients out by admitting you got lost, dummy.
For the most part, I didn’t. Like therapy, guiding covered familiar ground. In therapy, there are some useful signposts to follow–it’s worth getting more aware of what’s going on inside. It’s worth putting in some effort to name emotions that are coming up and to communicate them to others. It seems simple, but especially for young men who are often taught the opposite, the ability to regularly perform these skills has the potential to hugely impact the quality of their relationships and their lives. It’s worth coming to terms with your limitations and knowing what you value. It’s worth letting go of what you don’t.
I can assume, if you are reading this, it is not because life has been a well-marked trail for you or your loved one to follow. For me, the plan to never get lost did not really work out. I occasionally turned small hikes into medium-sized excursions. I sometimes had to laugh it off as we doubled-back because I missed the trail. Embarrassing, but ultimately minor. Luckily for me, I would not leave this summer job without getting seriously lost.
Loosing your way can create opportunities
In my experience, there is much to be gained from losing your way. I have worked with many young men who have found their way through oppressive anger, depression, and ennui. I have had the privilege to walk alongside them as they derive meaning from their suffering, use their fierce emotional energy to create good in their lives. I think the trail metaphor is a good one because often, with young men, this can be as much a physical effort as an emotional, a spiritual one. Sometimes, we can simply be together in the pain, in the quiet.
Getting Lost
At the end of the summer, as the season was closing, I took a client who said he had tried for three consecutive years to reach a hidden alpine lake on his own, and was hiring a guide this year to make sure he made it. By now, I knew the park well, but this area was totally new to me. The client knew the trail from the previous years’ attempts, but after a couple of hours of uphill, we left it in search of the hidden lake. We scratched our way through scrub oak, we scrambled over boulders and up wet slabs of rock, and I thought-or, rather, I hoped–that this effort was still moving us towards the lake. Knowing I was in charge of our safety, I kept a close eye on our resources, regularly updated our escape plan if something happened. After I helped this client through a section of climbing that I knew we could not reverse, I started to get scared. After another hour of scrambling, a heavy weariness overtook me. I had been keeping up the “I never get lost” facade while also being very on edge, and all I wanted to do was turn back.
I looked into the client’s face and could see that he, too, was exhausted, full of doubt and of worry. Neither of us knew that we were mere minutes away from finding the lake. I can only imagine that he wanted to shout, like I did, “what the heck are we doing out here?!” But before either of us could say anything, as if on cue, something occurred to us and we could not contain our laughter.
There is a reason I signed up for the elective suffering of the guiding job, why I had been intrigued by this stranger’s arbitrary quest in particular. Let me tell you, with or without finding the lake, that day’s crumpled up peanut butter and jelly was among the best I’ve ever tasted. Nearly two decades later, I still remember pieces of that twelve hour work day in excruciating detail, from sweeping mountain vistas down to individual trees we passed as we grumbled about how much our knees ached. It took all of this to realize what the old guides were really smiling about.
Tolerating Mistakes and Uncertainty
I know now that a guide is never lost, not because they never make mistakes, but because they are able to tolerate those mistakes as valuable and acceptable parts of the human experience. The uncertainty, the suspense, the adventure of it all–feelings like anxiety, pressure, and stress–we often run from these feelings when we should be welcoming them in, listening to what they have to say. In this sense, even in the midst of pain and confusion, we can be purposeful, appreciative, alive.
It sounds simple enough, but I will be the first to admit: it is not easy. It takes work. And we can all use a bit of help.
Ready for Support?
Whether this is your first time seeking therapy for you or your loved one, or if you are looking for a new perspective on a familiar landscape, I encourage you to get started. Reach out, find out more, and consider (even if you don’t believe it yet) that this might just be the start of something new.
Schedule a free Discovery Call today to learn how we can support your and your child’s emotional well-being.
At Beacon Wellness Team, we specialize in supporting gifted, highly sensitive, and neurodivergent children and their families across the Bay Area.
Will (he/him/his) specializes in working with teens and parents. He is passionate about helping his clients become more resilient–more able to tolerate and problem solve around the struggles in their lives–and more connected to the people, places, and things that bring meaning and fulfillment. Will’s experience includes working with kids and parents experiencing anxiety, depression, life transitions, and trauma.
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